I’m 22
Im 22, sitting on the futon in my childhood home. I have a pimple on my chin. Im 22 and there’s a pimple on my chin. I’d hate to call this my parents house, it’s my house too. I live at home. Im on the futon at home. I’m on the futon at home and I’m sad about the pimple on my chin.
“Why can’t I find a job? Why has no one answered my emails? Why doesn’t anyone pick up the phone?”
Why has no one asked how I’m doing? Like how I’m really doing?
I’m sitting on the futon at home and the pimple on my chin makes me feel 17 again. Sitting in my house listening to the hush of the air conditioning makes me feel 17 again. I don’t mind feeling 17 again. I miss her all the time. She comes to visit when my car doesn’t start and my hair gets really long. She’s there when I grocery shop with my mom and when the radio comes on before I plug my phone into the aux. I know she’s wondering what I’m up to right now. I don’t know if I’d be embarrassed or excited to tell her how I am. She would be happy to hear that I went to California and that I graduated college. But what about when I tell her that my hair is short? Or that I donated her favorite sweater? Or that all the friends she thought she would have forever are just friendly faces at the bar? What happens when I tell her that I don’t have my dream job yet and I’m sitting on the futon at home with a pimple on my chin? I hope she would understand. I hope I haven’t let her down. Maybe she’s too busy figuring out what to wear to the under the lights football game. Maybe she’s too busy crying over her math homework at the dining room table. Maybe she’s too busy wondering why no one has asked her to the prom yet. I wish I could tell her that nobody cares but her!!!!! I wish I could tell her how I am.
For now I’ll brush my hair and tuck myself into bed, like I’m putting her to bed, that 17 year old girl. I’ll hold her hand and tell her that everything is going to be okay. I’ll tell her that everything will be okay until my 22 year old self believes it too.
Working towards my thesis show has been one of the most challenging things I have had to face. I am really happy with how things are working out considering the amount of road blocks I have had to face along this journey, which there have been many, and it is not over yet. I am really excited to show the world what I have captured, along with celebrating my artistic journey. Throughout my years at Tyler, I have learned so much and I can't wait to be able to show that growth to my community and my peers. In a way I am writing these entries to give insight into my thoughts and my inspiration to you all reading this; however, I hope to look back on these and remember the ebbs and flows of my artistic career.
~March 24th, 2023~
Recently, more so after experiencing Wolfgang Tillman's "To look without fear" exhibit at the MoMA, I have been really inspired by the physicality of photography. Zine layouts, large posters, collage, scanning, etc. Wolfgang really changed my perspective on how art can be viewed in galleries. He printed large, small, in between, using tape for some, frames for others. The exciting part was moving through the exhibit. Getting up close, standing back, taking it all in, and of course, seeing FRANK. That museum visit was extremely eye opening and inspiring. I just designed my first personal zine and it should be arriving on December 19th, so be ready for that. This is just the beginning.
As I collected my inspiration for my project "Pinky Promise", I came across Juuso Westerlund, a Helsinki, Finland based photographer. His project "Heartbeats" stuck out to me the most. The cool tones encapsulating such warm moments is so breathtakingly beautiful. These scenes of innocence and exploration tell stories through the composition without having to whisper a word of explanation.
I wanted to start out strong with an artist that has really been inspiring me this semester, T-bone Fletcher. T-bone uses the most beautiful color palette and perfectly playful sketches/doodles in his work. I think he has to be one of my favorite artists ever. Adding a little character/doodle to a photo is the cherry on top, it adds flavor and informality. Informality in the sense that not everything in commercial or editorial photography has to be serious. Something that I have learned in my time at Tyler is that not everything has to be what things look like in magazines, in vogue where Anna Wintour is saying yes or no. Photography is about capturing life, bring life into your photos and I promise they will speak for themselves.